Ghana in Focus: Relationships in Ghana Part 9 - Who Pays on the First Date? A Modern Ghanaian Dilemma

We examine whether men should foot the bill on a first date.  In Ghana, this seemingly simple question reveals deeper cultural expectations and potential relationship dynamics that deserve exploration. The tradition in Ghana has typically leaned heavily toward men paying for everything on the first date—from drinks to dinner to transportation. This expectation stems from cultural norms where men are traditionally seen as providers and breadwinners.

However, as we examine this practice more critically, important questions emerge about what these financial dynamics on a first date might reveal about potential long-term compatibility. When a man from the diaspora dates in Ghana, he's often automatically perceived as wealthy, which can create an expectation that he will cover all expenses. This differs markedly from dating cultures in the UK, Europe, or North America, where women frequently offer to pay for part of the date, reflecting a more egalitarian approach to courtship that aligns with broader societal moves toward gender equality.

This distinction isn't merely about who picks up the bill; it potentially foreshadows how financial responsibilities might be shared in a future relationship. A woman who is willing to contribute financially on a first date may be signaling her approach to partnership—suggesting she views relationships as collaborative ventures where resources are shared. This quality might indicate someone who would make "good wife material" in terms of financial partnership, as she demonstrates from the outset that she doesn't expect the man to shoulder all financial burdens.

The dowry tradition in Ghana further complicates these dynamics. When a man marries a Ghanaian woman, he typically pays a dowry to her family—offering items like cloth, a Bible (for Christian families), rings, or even cattle. This cultural practice reinforces the expectation that men should be financial providers, potentially extending to the expectation that they will pay for everything on dates as well. However, Ghana has changed significantly in recent decades, with many more women entering the workforce and having their own disposable income, which raises questions about whether these traditional expectations still make sense.

The concern that emerges from these dating customs is whether they set up problematic patterns for future relationships. If a woman expects a man to pay for everything on a first date, does this suggest she might expect him to cover all household expenses in marriage—from rent to utilities to children's school fees? In an era where marriage is increasingly viewed as a partnership, these early financial interactions might serve as important indicators of compatibility. 

Chapters

• 0:00 Introduction to Ghana in Focus
• 2:20 Should Men Pay on First Dates?
• 5:44 UK vs Ghana Dating Expectations
• 8:53 What a Woman's Spending Reveals
• 12:07 Money Problems in African Marriages
• 16:03 Conclusion and Next Episode Preview

Transcript

Speaker 1: 0:03

Qaba, welcome to this week's edition of Ghana in Focus with myself Kwame, ghanaian writer, broadcaster, podcaster, entrepreneur. And in this week's episode of Ghana in Focus we are continuing our series, our theme, looking at relationships in Ghana. Part nine this week asking should you, as a man, pay for or on your first date? So should a man pay for the first date? So that is the topic for discussion today on Ghana in focus. So before we start the show, please, if you like what you hear, share to your friends, family, social media networks. Subscribe to Ghana African Focus on YouTube. Click the notification bell and YouTube will notify you every time we upload a new podcast. We're going to get as many subscribers on YouTube as possible, so please tell your friends and family about this podcast called Ghana African Focus. Again, if you're on Spotify, let's look out for Ghana African Focus on Spotify. Click the follow button and Spotify will notify you every time we upload a new podcast. All right, and if you are interested in wanting to come to Ghana to do business, you know, look at opportunities there in Ghana, look at things like the Ghana card. You know, how do I get citizenship, et cetera. We do offer a consultation service whereby we can give you a detailed breakdown of what your needs and wants are and how we can help you, you know, get the right contacts and connections in Ghana. So if you want to book a consultation with myself and we charge $30 an hour just email me and I'll leave the email address. In the funnest of a show, we do have a wealth of experience in Ghana, so I have businesses in Ghana, property in Ghana, land in Ghana, etc. So we do know a lot about the Ghanaian terrain and opportunities that they are. So, like I say, if you want to book a consultation with myself, you can email me and I'll leave the email address in the footnotes to the show. All right, so let's get into the podcast today.

Speaker 1: 2:21

Relationships in Ghana, part nine. Relationships in Ghana, part 9. Should you, as a man, pay on your first date? Now, this is a quite interesting question because you know, obviously you, as a man, you have asked a woman out On a date Because you like her and you want to get to know her, and you've asked her on a date and so she's accepted and so you are now on a date. But the question is should you pay for everything as a man? Do you? Should you pay for everything on your first date because you don't know the girl yet. You know, um, and like I said before, you know a lot of women in ghana are chasing money. Yeah, not all, but a quite a number of them are chasing money. Yeah, so we might not necessarily be one tenancy, but they want money and to see what you can do for them with money, particularly if you come from abroad. Because if you come from abroad and I said this in one of my other podcasts about relationships you are seen as somebody who's got money.

Speaker 1: 3:41

A lot of Ghanaian ladies will expect you as a man, particularly a man, particularly from the diaspora, to pay for everything on their first date. You know, and paying for everything means that, excuse me, you know you pay for. If you take her out for a drink, you know you buy over drinks for her. You take her out to a restaurant, you foot the, you buy all the drinks for her. You take her out to a restaurant, you foot the bill, et cetera, et cetera. Maybe the only thing that you don't pay is a cab home. You know, or maybe you know, maybe even that, because you may want to quote unquote be a gentleman, then you may feel compelled to pay the girls a cab fare home or a taxi fare home.

Speaker 1: 4:27

But you know, and that you know. But for me that's overdoing it because it's a date. Yeah, it's not, you know, it may not blossom to an end, but it's just a date, a third date. So you know, we're trying to get to know one another and you won't get to know one another in one night. Yes, it's a start of a process. So it's about, you know, talking to that girl that you invited on on a date to see if you have anything in common. You like, dislike that, this kind of things. Yeah, because let me just, you know, go around a bit.

Speaker 1: 5:07

So in the uk, europe, right, if you ask a woman out to girl out in the uk or europe, right, most likely right, you as a man most cases of not, you as a man will not need to pay for every you know thing for the woman because obviously she has her own money, she's more likely working. And in Europe and the UK, where there's drive for equality, there's that notion that we should be even within terms of leadership. So in Europe and the UK, if I ask a girl, you know, we should be even within terms of relationship. Yeah. So in Europe and the UK, if I ask a girl on a date out, a first date, it is more than likely like, say, 90% that you know. Apart from the initial first drink that I buy, yeah, and as well as if I did take her out to a restaurant, I'll probably foot most of the bill. Aside from that, right, the girl you know whether in the UK or Europe, she will pay part of it. So she will probably, after the first drink that you buy for her as a man, you know you or she would pay for the rest of her drink. She may even buy you a drink, yeah, because sometimes that's how some of the women are in the uk or in europe, yeah and uh, you know. And she may obviously pay for a taxi and pay for a cab home herself, or if she's driving, she'll probably drive home, yeah, so that's like a look at nuances between going on a first date here in VUK or in Europe, right, and then somewhere in Ghana where you, some of the women I won't say all, but some of the women have, you could say, conditioned themselves like a man should pray for everything on the first date.

Speaker 1: 7:06

Now, I don't necessarily agree with that and I'll tell you why. For a number of reasons. So one the first thing that you know, if you are a decent woman and this is what, as a man, you need to decipher so a decent woman, right, and this is what, as a man, you need to decipher. So a decent woman you've invited, I get it. So you have invited a girl on a first date. Yeah, it may not necessarily a buzz into the relationship, because obviously you know the first date will decipher that and detect that that if this girl is worth pursuing, you know, long term. So, given that, then I invited you on date, yes, but I don't know you. I'm trying to get to know you.

Speaker 1: 7:47

So a decent woman would pay for part of that date, not all, but at least a part of that date in terms of drinks, in terms of food, etc. Yeah, because if a woman does that yeah on her first date, you know that that woman is able to automatically right the fact that she's able to partake in some of the expenses of the date. That should tell you, as a man, automatically right that if I go this girl right, she's probably potentially a monotonic right. That if I go with this girl right, she's potentially a good wife, material in terms of that, you know. She is okay spending on me, she's okay putting her hand in her pocket and she's willing to, you know, share some of the expenses with me. Now, this is even deeper than that, because if you were to marry that kind of person, yeah, she would share and you'll keep with you.

Speaker 1: 8:47

Yeah, so, unlike other, particularly in Ghanaian society, a lot of the evidence is on the man to be the so-called breadwinner and to provide for the family. Now, in these days of where women are working, women are seeking careers. I don't think that should be the case, that a man should provide everything. Because when you marry, yeah, it's a partnership between the female and the male or the male and the female. That's why it's called a marriage, that's why it's called a partnership, because you're entering into partnership with that man and you become a partner with that man or woman that you are going to marry. And so if a woman, on the first date, is able to demonstrate that she is willing to pay for some of the dates, that for me, is a good thing, because that tells you that woman, right, is not a gold digger, she's not all about herself, but she's looking out for you and that, potentially, if you marry somebody like that, right she'll have your back and also, more importantly, right, she is somebody that you can settle down with and that money issues will not be a problem, because in a lot of marriages african marriages, whether they're in the uk, in europe and america, or even in your back home in ghana money is a big problem and that and that's going to be my next podcast when we go deeper into why money, how money, has become a problem in African, some African relationships. But money is a big problem.

Speaker 1: 10:22

Yeah, and I don't know if it's a cultural thing, but in Ghana, like I said, a lot of women are expecting men to pay to foot the bill. So, for example, if you were to marry a woman in Ghana, right, you pay dowry. Yeah, so dowry is like some kind of thing. That you were to marry a woman in Ghana, you pay dowry. So dowry is like some kind of Thing that you pay to the girl's family In seeking their For want of a better word, in seeking their permission Before marrying their daughter. So you have to pay this dowry. So it could be cloth. If they're Christian, it could be cloth, you know if they're christian, could be a bible. Some rings, uh, you know, maybe even some cattle, what have you? Yeah, but that's the dowry that you pay.

Speaker 1: 11:08

And so, because of this cultural nuance, yeah, a lot of women expect men, even on the first date, to pay the way, to pay for the whole date, and for me that's not living in the Western mentality. No, for me that's problematic, because if you marry a woman who is not able or not willing to pay her way when you marry her, then that could be a building on you, the man, because the woman is expecting you to pay everything the children's school fees, the rent, the light bill, the gas bill, the car insurance, etc. She's not gonna pay anything, but both of you. But you're married, both of you are married, right, and that marriage is in terms of partnership, so it should be 50 50. So in terms of you know, you would decide who pays the school fees, who pays the rent, who pays the light bill, who pays for the rent, who pays the light bill, who pays for the gas bill, who pays for the car insurance. Yeah, that's what a relationship is supposed to be about.

Speaker 1: 12:12

And so on a first date, if a woman don't do that, then then you know something will spring to mind saying that if I didn't marry this woman who's not even prepared to foot part of the bill on the first date, then what confidence do I have in this woman that if I were to marry her then she will be, you know, engaged? You know, you know fully, within the um you could say, the daily expenses of the relationship, like, like I say, rent, electricity, and, particularly if you have children, you know, the school fees of the children and the occupancy of the children, etc. And so, for me, when you go on a date, first date with a woman, it's not just about the date itself, it's about analysing the date itself. It's about analyzing the woman, yeah, and looking what she does, you know, looking about what actually towards money is, yeah, because this is, like I said, the another thing that we'll discuss deeper next week.

Speaker 1: 13:16

You know this is about money in relationships, particularly in the African context. So if you go on a date as a man in Ghana, whether you're from the Diaspora or a Ghanaian born in Ghana, and you get the vibration of the woman in that she's not one to pay or is not willing to pay, then that should ring alarm bells as to the kind of woman she potentially could be if you were to marry that person. On the flip side, if you took a woman out on a first date and she was prepared to foot part of the bill not all, but part of the bill that again should send a message to you as a man that this woman, potentially, right, is going to be a good wife, particularly when it comes to, you know, sharing the bills and also money issues as well. Yeah, so that's why I put that question out there, because, you know, I don't think it's a, I don't think it is a cultural thing because, like I said, you know, in in europe, uk, north amer or, you know, quote unquote the West, you know, if you take a woman out on a first date, like I said, more than likely she will pay for part of it Not all of it, but part of it, okay, and you as the man, would pay the majority of that expensive incurred on that first date. But in Ghana I can't say for the rest of the African continent, but in Ghana there was a nuance saying that the man, particularly on the first date, yeah, should pay for the whole bill. Yeah, and, like I said, I didn't necessarily agree with that, because there are many, you know, nuances that for me.

Speaker 1: 15:06

You know why a man must not pay for everything on the first date, yeah, and why a woman must pay for part of the bill on the first date, and so I want to put this out there to you, to you guys. You know, is it a cultural thing between, like you know, women in in Ghana and women in the West that a man pays for everything on the first date, or is it like you know, or is it that a man is expected to do that and a woman is not expected to pay for part of the bill on the first date in Ghana? Yeah, and is that part of the courting process in Ghana? Let me have your comments, let me know what you think about this interesting subject, whether a man should pay on the first day. My view is that not fully. Yeah, it's okay to buy the first drink and you know, if you go to a restaurant and buy a meal, I think you should foot about, you know about 70% of the bill, and then, you know, pay for a taxi home.

Speaker 1: 16:14

I don't believe that you, as a man on the first date, should pay 100% for everything, particularly if the woman is not somebody that you may want to have a longer term relationship with. Yeah, so, um, you know, I just want to know what your opinions are because for me, like I said, like you know, it's something that I think you know in this day and age now where, you know, even in ghana, where women are encouraged to have a career, a lot of women in Ghana are working. 20 years ago there were not many Ghanaian women in the workforce. Now there's a lot of Ghanaian women in the workforce, be it the public sector, private sector. So women do have disposable income. Yes, it's not a lot, but women do have some disposable income. So I'm, it's not a lot, but you know, women do have some disposable income. So I'm putting the question out there Should a man pay for everything on the first date, or should the woman pay for part of the bill as well?

Speaker 1: 17:18

All right, so I hope you found this short podcast interesting of dating in Ghana Should a man pay for everything on the first date or should a woman help with expenses? So in next week's Ghana in Focus, where we talk about relationships, we'll be talking about why money, the funny issue of money, why money seems to be a problem in African relationships. Alright, so that is it for now. Please subscribe to Ghana African Focus. Please subscribe to Ghana African Focus on YouTube. Subscribe to Ghana African Focus on Spotify and also, if you'd like to donate to a show to help us bring out some more great content from Africa and from Ghana, you can click the donate link and that link is also in the funnest to a show. Alright, so, from myself, kwame, and from the crew here on Ghana in Focus, thank you for listening and we'll see you next week for some more Ghana in Focus.