Afrika in Focus: Relationships part 10 - Money Matters: The Hidden Impact on African Relationships

Financial dynamics in African relationships can either build strong foundations or lead to devastating breakups. This eye-opening discussion was sparked by a viral story of a South African doctor who suffered financial abuse at the hands of her husband, who manipulated her into funding his luxury lifestyle complete with Mercedes Benz vehicles. The doctor's experience reflects a concerning pattern across the continent where relationships are sometimes formed with financial agendas rather than genuine partnership.

Money matters within African marriages often present unique challenges. Some men experience deep insecurity when their wives earn more, leading to manipulation or financial exploitation. Meanwhile, many women across Ghana and the continent pursue relationships with financially well-endowed men, seeing marriage as a safety net rather than a true partnership. These transactional approaches to relationships contradict the fundamental purpose of marriage as a union where "two become one" – a partnership designed to weather life's ups and downs together.

For couples seeking healthy financial relationships, communication is key. We explore practical approaches like establishing both joint accounts (for family expenses like rent, school fees, and utilities) and separate accounts for personal spending. With economic pressures mounting across Africa, particularly in Ghana where cost of living remains high despite recent improvements, financial transparency has become essential for relationship survival.

 By aligning on financial values and long-term goals early, couples can avoid exploitation and build partnerships based on mutual support rather than transactional benefit. Remember: true partnership transcends financial status and creates a foundation where both partners can thrive regardless of who earns more

Want guidance on navigating business opportunities in Ghana? Book a consultation with me to learn about essential requirements like the Ghana card, phone contracts, and more. Subscribe to Ghana Africa Focus on YouTube and Spotify to continue exploring crucial topics affecting African relationships and lifestyles.

Source:

Dr Celiwe gets South Africa talking about financial abuse - BBC News

Chapters

• 0:00 Introduction to Money in African Relationships
• 3:43 Financial Abuse Case from South Africa
• 7:30 Why Partners Financially Abuse Each Other
• 12:57 Joint Accounts vs. Separate Finances
• 18:42 Financial Pressure and Marriage Strain
• 22:02 Closing and Next Episode Preview

Transcript

Speaker 1: 0:05

Welcome to this edition of Africa in Focus with myself Kwame, ghanaian writer, broadcaster, producer and entrepreneur, and in this week's edition of Africa in Focus, we're still looking at relationships. This is this is part 10, but we've been doing it for the last two or three weeks and this will, for now, finish this season on relationships, because it's important to delve into relationships, particularly if you are wanting to get married to an African man or woman, to know the sort of dynamics that's involved in this. And this week we'll be talking about money. Money is a very, very important part of African leadership. Sometimes it can either break and destroy the leadership, and I'm going to quote you an article that I read that's compelled me to actually see it fit to talk about why money is an important issue in terms of African leadership. All right, so before we get into the podcast, if you like what you hear, please share it with your friends, family.

Speaker 1: 1:10

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Speaker 1: 2:47

All right, so let's get into the podcast looking about money in african relationships. Like I said, I've been prompted to um talk about this issue, about money, of an article, uh that I saw, uh in April, which I'm going to read out to you. I'll read out the first three paragraphs of the article and that will give you a flavour of why we are doing this particular podcast on money and ships in Africa, not just in Ghana, but in Africa as well, because there are players in Ghana, players across continent as well, because money, like I said, money can make or broker in ships and, like I said, players in Ghana, players across continent as well, because money, like I said, money can make or break relationships and, like I said, particularly in Ghana. I don't know about other African countries, but in Ghana a lot of women are chasing after money. People you know, men with money, yeah, and some men as well, you know, chase women who they feel are financially well endowed. So it works both ways, but mostly, from my experience in Ghana and living in Ghana, it's mainly women who are chased after, you know, men who they perceive to be wealthy.

Speaker 1: 3:52

Alright, so let me read you this article that I saw on BBC Online in April since it was only four months old that talked about financial abuse that a doctor in South Africa. She was suffering from financial abuse. Yes, believe it or not, there can be something. Financial abuse, yeah, from a partner. So I'm just going to read you the three of you know the issue at hand. So a young and I'll put this um in the article in its in its entirety again, also in the fullness, to a show.

Speaker 1: 4:36

So a young female south african doctor has sparked a nationwide conversation about a form of domestic abuse often shrouded in silence, and that is financial abuse. In a series of viral videos, dr Cicely Nadaba opened up about how she said she had been financially exploited by her husband, how it had spiralled out of control and that led to their separation. Often sitting in her car on the way to work, the mother of three vlogged over two weeks about how, despite her successful career, she had become trapped in a toxic marriage for years, feeling manipulated to fund her husband's lifestyle, in particular his desire to drive a luxury Mercedes Benz. She goes on to say taking out loans for him to buy such vehicles was the worst decision of her life, putting her family under huge financial pressure, said Dr Ndaba who, since sharing her story, has verities in her maiden name and the number of followers has ballooned.

Speaker 1: 5:50

Now you know, this should give you, the listener, a semblance of some of the issues that can be at stake when money matters are not discussed between partners, yeah and when people marry for the for the wrong reason. In this case, the man saw that his wife had a successful career while he probably wasn't working, or probably he's not, as you know, financially endowed as the wife, but then he then took that opportunity to manipulate the woman into funding his lover's lifestyle. Yeah, so this is why I say that and this is why I made a point last week about, you know, should, should, should you, as a man, pay on your first date? Should not the woman pay anything at all? And I mentioned that if the woman woman agreed to pay for some of the bill, that would show her intention that when you marry her right, she will help you financially, ie in terms of paying the bills, in terms of like or sharing the bills, and also in terms of, like, you know, being financially responsible, yeah, and not being, in some people's people say, in terms of women a gold digger. So this is why you know, this issue of fantasy is very, very important because, like I said, it can lead to marriage breakup and, obviously, in this example that I've just read out, you know the woman left the husband because of this financial abuse that she was going through.

Speaker 1: 7:36

Now, why do some men and women, why do they? Why do they abuse their financial or why do they abuse their partner or their or their husband or wife in a financial way? Now let's start with men. Now, if a man sees that his wife is any more than him for every reason, right, some of that is jealousy, yeah, and that jealousy will then end or then lead to manipulation, whereby he will manipulate the wife because she can afford it, to buy him things that you know he wouldn't be able to afford himself.

Speaker 1: 8:19

Yeah, but before I go into the you know bit further than this, you know, if, if you are as a man, yeah, and your wife earns more than you, it's not an issue, why should it be an issue, particularly if you're married? Yeah, and, and a marriage is a partnership, yeah, and it says in the bible a man leaves his family, right, and he gets married to a woman, and then two become one, so the two people become one unit, so you become a partnership. It's a partnership, yeah, so it's not. It's not a an abusive. So it's not an abusive whereby, oh, it's all about you and not your partner. Yeah, that's abusive.

Speaker 1: 9:00

So, you know, when you marry somebody, you shouldn't marry somebody because their financial well-endowed and, like I say, you know, some men are insecure Not all men, but some men are very insecure of themselves, of their probably as well, when their wife earns more than them. You know, you know, earns a lot more than them, and that shouldn't be an issue too, because if you are into a marriage for the right reason, then if your wife or husband is more than you, it shouldn't be an issue, yeah. However, if you went into the marriage, into a relationship with a, with a, with a financial agenda, then that's when that particular issue or problem will become an issue the fact that your wife earns more than you. As a man, you feel endangered or you then want to abuse your wife honestly, because by affording or by going on this lifestyle thing luxury cars, luxury holidays, designer clothes, know, 90 inch tv, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah I think you get my drift, yeah, so you know, as men and even as women. It shouldn't really bother.

Speaker 1: 10:28

If you're a woman, why earn more than your husband? Because, at the end of the day, it's about both of us. This is what a marriage should be about. It's that both of us come together and build up for the future. Yeah, so you support me, I support you. And then when we have children, right, we support those children. Yeah, so it shouldn't be about, you know, it's not about the sexes or whatever. No, you know, that's a western narrative. Yeah, you know, I am more than you. Blah, blah, blah, blah, blah. No, you know, as Africans, we should be thinking like that.

Speaker 1: 10:59

You know, and it's quite sad that today, not just in Ghana, but all African continents, you know a lot of people, yeah, men and women, right, are into this lifestyle thing, right, whereby they view marriage right as some kind of um, you know financial, you know safety net, you know, not as a partnership to build something for yourselves and build something for your family and your children. No, and so some men are very, very jealous and then manipulative when their wife is more than them, and I've seen this story. This is a typical example of that. Now for women also. Yeah, a lot of women, like I said, particularly in Ghana, are chasing after men who've got money. So your reason for getting married is not love, it's not for richer, for poorer to death, do us part for better, for worse, etc. It's about money. Yeah, and I've got personal experience of this as well. Yeah, I dated a girl in Ghana, you know who was. Just because she thought I was from abroad. Right, you know, she just wanted me to take her to nice places, you know, and that kind of, and drive taxi, not take trot show. Yeah, so a lot of women in Ghana, yeah, and possibly Africa as well, yeah, are just into money. Yeah, particularly if they can marry a man who is financially well endowed. And again, for me, that states that you have an agenda and that the marriage is not going to work, because what happens if the man's money runs out? You're going to leave him because he broke now. So you're not, you know, entertain the marriage because that money that the man had one way or another is now, um, you know it's finished and that man is no longer, in your eyes, viable financially or viable as a man, because he no longer has the money that he had. Yeah, because obviously, you know he spent on you this lavish lifestyle. You know Some of our women.

Speaker 1: 13:18

They want to do their hair basically every two weeks. They want to do their nails every week. They want to, you know, buy these stupid wigs. You know Brazilian, weave on. You know Amazonian, you know, weave on. Yeah, they want to, you know, to buy the latest clothes. They want to buy all these high heel shoes and, believe it or not, some black women in Africa and Ghana have about 40 pairs of high heel shoes that they wear. Some women want to now eat at these fancy restaurants every day. They don't want to eat at Chuck Biden, but they want to eat at these fancy restaurants every day. They don't want to eat at Chuck Biden, but they want to eat at fancy restaurant whereby one plate of jalapeño, rice and chicken cost about equivalent of about twenty dollars. Why? Well, twenty dollars is a bit, but let's say, let's say about ten dollars, yeah, ten dollars.

Speaker 1: 14:14

So a lot of women also are marrying for the wrong reason. Because the man is financially well endowed and again, that's the issue, because, you know, the man, when he cuts on, doesn't respect you, doesn't love you, yeah, and this is why some men cheat on this kind of women, because the woman is not really expressing any love. All that she's doing is just financially exploiting her husband. And so, as African people, we need to understand that marriage is not about money. Yes, I know it plays a big part, particularly in terms of when you have children, but this is why, when you enter into a relationship, money should probably be the very first thing you discuss. You know and this is why I said last week about you know, about men not paying all the bill on the first date, because you could be seen in that by the woman as a cash cow or uh, you know that that your kind of generosity could be up to abuse.

Speaker 1: 15:23

And that works the same with, you know, with women who earn more than their husband, and the husband wants to have a lavish lifestyle, and so we need to come together as a couple and discuss finances. So, you know, are we going to have a joint? You know, are you going to have joint account or are we going to have separate account? And again, you know that's an issue because some marriages, right, they don't have joint account. The woman's got her account and the man's got his account, yeah, and then obviously they spend as the like. But what about when you have children, yeah, how, you know, how is your individual accounts going to pay for the rent or the the school, the school fees or health care bills, or you know utility bills? Yeah, and this is why you know if you, if you do get married to somebody, right, it's important to talk about finances and particularly having a joint account.

Speaker 1: 16:19

By having a joint account, you can have your own separate account for your own needs. The man will have his account. If he wants to go drinking with his mates, he can tap into his own account and go out drinking with his mates. Or a woman, if she's got her owner, you know account. If she wants to, you know, buy some clothes or, you know, have her hair done or have her nails done, she can use her own money to do that, to fund that.

Speaker 1: 16:51

But when you have a joint account here, the joint account is basically about the family upkeep. So about the rent, about the school fees, about medical bills, medical expenditure, about utility bills and about, you know, saving money for rainy days. So, for example, you may want to go on holiday together or with the family. You may want to start some kind of building project. You may want to build a house, a building project, yeah, or you may want to put money, some money, towards and starting a business. So that is the purpose of having this joint account whereby you put the money for a particular goal, whether it's like a city of business, to build a property, or day-to-day expenses, yeah, outside of your own personal expenses.

Speaker 1: 17:36

Yeah, in that regard, when you have a joint account and you both, you understand the nature of that joint account, yeah, that there'll be no confusion and no, you know coercion by either partner, because they know that that joint account has a specific need, has a specific aim, has a specific purpose, as opposed to your own separate accounts which are for your own, you know private, you know well-being. So, like I said, if the man wants, you know, wants to go to a gym, yeah, he, he doesn't use money in the joint account to to pay for his gym membership, right, but he pays the gym membership out of his own to pay for his gym membership, right, but he pays his gym membership out of his own account. Same for the woman. If the woman wants to go to you know, I don't know maybe pay church tithes, yeah, that tithe does not come from a joint account, but it comes from her own account. So, by working in this way and understanding finances from that particular perspective, yeah, it makes money issues why? Less, less combative and less. You know, it has potential there to be less of an issue than this article that that I've just read, or bits of it that I've just read at the beginning of the show.

Speaker 1: 19:03

Yeah, because marriage is not about money. Marriage is, but, like I said, about two people coming together, yeah, and helping each other achieve their objectives and goals. You know, know, and also, you know, building something together, as well as having a family and raising the children to become, you know, fantastic human beings. Yeah, it's not about finances. It's not about money in the sense of, you know, you see your husband as a cash cow or you see your wife as a cash cow or you see your wife as a cash cow. There's nothing about that at all. And so we have to, you know, re-evaluate, yeah, how we view money in landships.

Speaker 1: 19:48

Yeah, because, like I said, a lot of marriages are suffering in Ghana and in the continent because, you know, a, there's huge financial pressure now. You know Ghana, and on the continent, because, a, there's huge financial pressure now, particularly in Ghana. Things have improved a bit since the new government came, but obviously there's still a cost of living crisis in Ghana, with high rents and prices of goods and services not as low as they could be as they should be. Yeah, because of people want to hold on to their. You know people want to. Even though the city has appreciated the end of the dollar, you know people still want to maintain those high prices for their personal goals or agendas, but you know prices on goods and services in Ghana are still high, so that is contributing to a lot of pressure financially and a lot of families.

Speaker 1: 20:47

And so if you are not, you know, if you didn't talk to your partner about these financial issues, right, it can become a burden, yeah, and it become. It can become to a extent whereby you know this financial pressure is putting strain on the marriage and that can end in separation or divorce, as we've seen in this particular example. And so, in wrapping up, you know I think it's very, very important for couples, when they're thinking about getting married right, to talk seriously, yeah, and deeply, about finances. Yeah, do you have your own separate accounts as well as have a joint account, or do you just have a joint account? Yeah, and then you also talk about how you know we're going to share. You know things like the bills. You know the rent, the school fees, etc. Yeah, and then you also talk about how we want to you know, help each other in terms of career goals or in terms of you know financial goals, particularly financial goals. Yes, what are your aims financially as a couple? Yeah, do you want to build a house in the next amount of years? Do you want to establish a business in the next amount of years? All that is inclusive within the good money management.

Speaker 1: 22:18

You know procedure, and this is why it's very important as married couples, when you are embarking on a marriage, to talk about money. Because if you don't, yeah, things like the article here, for example, things like men you know using going behind their wives back to, to use you know the money to, to, to gamble, or women you know having um bad shopping habits, like they want to shop every day, every week. You know, do their hair every day, etc. Etc. These could, in long term, lead to financial strain on the family and that could end in divorce, separation, and so money is a very, very important issue within relationships that we, as African people, mature African people really need to talk out so that in the future we don't put ourselves into unnecessary hardships and untold financial pressure by taking out loans and other bits and pieces, because if you plan properly, yeah, within a marriage, there's no need to take out a loan, because loans are a trap. Yeah, loan, credit card, all these things are a trap. Yeah, and a lot of marriages in the west, you know, uk, us, etc. Where people are living on credit, is putting strains, financial strains, on marriage, yeah. So you know we don't want that. We want, you know, wholesome, truthful, meaningful, purposeful, financially, um, responsible marriages, yep, and that will, again, you know, set an example to the future generation, yeah, particularly children, about how, when they get into relationships, right, how to handle the financial maze, all right. So that's it from myself this week.

Speaker 1: 24:13

Uh, you've been listening to Ghana African Focus with myself, kwame, if you like, if you like what you hear, please subscribe to Ghana African Focus on YouTube. Subscribe to ghana african focus on spotify. Um, you want to donate to the show? Sorry, click the donate button. We accept anything that you want to contribute. And if you want to, uh, do business in ghana, you want to know about the ghana card you want to know about, you know how do I get a phone contact, etc. Then we do after a consultancy period session and you can book your session with myself and I'll leave you my email address in the notes to the show. Alright?

Speaker 1: 24:54

So in next week's show we're going to do a couple of things about health. We visit health because health is a very, very important issue that a lot of African podcasters don't really talk about, and so we're going to delve more into health, and next week we'll be looking about prostate cancer myth. For me, it's a big myth. This prostate cancer thing about black men is a myth. I'll tell you why in next week's show. Alright, so from myself, kwame, and from all the crew here on Africa In Focus, thank you very much for listening and we'll see you next week for some more Africa. Ghana In Focus.